Pregnancy Update

Pregnancy Update

I am really lucky that my pregnancy so far has been really easy and I thought I’d share how things have been going in that department.

How far along? I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant, so not too long to go for me now, phew! I’ve loved being pregnant although oh my gosh, the constant need to go pee but I’m excited to see the baby at last. And to stop counting time in weeks.

How big is the baby? The size of a serving tray of madeleines according to my app. I feel like this is subjective depending on how much a person likes madeleines. Ooh, remind me to share my oatmeal cookie recipe!

How am I doing? Symptoms wise I don’t have any complaints. I just need to pee quite often and I feel the heat a lot more than before I was pregnant. Usually during summer I’d be charging down to the beach but at this stage of the pregnancy it’s just too darn hot for me. I’m also really aware that whilst I can sweat to cool down the baby can’t so I’m trying to be considerate at the same time haha. And yeah the not sleeping thing. If I’m lucky I can sleep for three hours in a full block but lately I’ve noticed that if I play meditation music I can sleep up to five hours which is awesome. I’ve been feeling really cheerful this whole pregnancy even though somedays I really am so so so tired! I think the meditation helps with that. And I’ve been super lucky not to have any back pain. I’m still doing Pilates and yoga on the regular which helps keep things strong.

How much weight have I gained? I don’t know. We don’t have any scales at home because we don’t weigh ourselves and when I go in for checkups no one ever asks to weigh me. I didn’t know how much i weighed before I was pregnant either anyway. The midwife measures my bump and at my last one my measurements matched the number of weeks I was so I guess everything is normal in that department. I know that in terms of clothing sizes, I’ve gone from a UK size 10 fitting loosely to a UK size 12 to 14 depending on the cut of the clothing. Most of the weight has gone to my boobs and obviously my bump so I went up a size so that tops and dresses would cover my bump haha. There’s one dress that I bought online in several colours and sizes because it was so comfortable. I’ve pretty much been living in that. At home I still wear my usual clothes because no one sees anyway.

Which brings me to…

I suppose partly because of what I do, I get a lot of people scrutinising my changing body shape and appearance but when I think back I always get that type of attention even when I work as a lawyer or way back when I was a teenager. From some people, not everyone. But enough for me to notice! This is a weird subject for me,  how people can be so fascinated by my body that they pay such close attention and feel like they can tell me what they think about it. My husband? My mother? My health provider? Sure, ok. People I see twice a year for lunch? I dunno. People I just met? I mean, really. I feel like there are more fun or important things we could chat about. It’s even more surprising that instead of less comments people feel like they can comment more about my body now that I am pregnant. WHY. When did we decide this was ok?

One day was particularly rough for me when I kept getting hounded by some women to say how many kilograms I had put on through this pregnancy and they wouldn’t believe me when I said I honestly didn’t know. B told me that they later asked him the same thing when I wasn’t around. As if he weighs me in my sleep?! It kind of hurt my feelings that time but I put my reaction down to having not slept a single minute the night before and fighting off a throat infection. There’s no question that I am big now, I’m due in just a few weeks! But I’ve been told that I look SO HUGE since halfway through my pregnancy and I got a few of the, “Are you sure it’s not twins, har har?” line. Would you believe I was told by the same person early on that I looked really big and then a few months later she said, “You look so big now. Before you still looked really small.” It gets really confusing if you take in everyone’s opinions. Sometimes I wondered because I got so many of those comments that maybe I am really big for how far along I was but then I went in to get measured as part of my checkup and was told that I’m perfectly on track. A few weeks ago a woman said really loudly in front of everyone in the group, “WOW you’re really big” and repeated it a few times for good measure. What she didn’t know was that a few days ago I had gone in for a regular checkup to be told I was measuring slightly smaller than I was meant to be. It was really worrying me at the time but luckily the baby is all caught up now and that is all that matters to me.

I just wonder about what if I was someone who had or still has an eating disorder or a less loving relationship with my body and was now hearing these things? What about my baby listening in on every conversation and hearing how focused people are on weight? How would all that make me feel about my changing body which is working hard at growing a human inside? What would that do to how I felt about my baby? Does it not occur to people that they might affect someone? But maybe they sense that I’m generally pretty resilient so they just give me all those comments instead of someone more vulnerable. I kind of hope so but unfortunately I don’t think that’s the case. One of B’s friends was saying that his wife HATED pregnancy because of all the comments about how big she was getting. That was her one complaint. How horrible to get so put off by what is supposed to be such an amazing experience!

I feel really good about myself so it’s not a huge deal for me. I can walk away from these comments and get on with having an amazing day. I love my baby belly and it’s so amazing to feel my baby swimming around inside all day long. I also get a lot of compliments too which helps with not feeling all that bothered. A lot of people are just excited to see and touch the bump and I totally appreciate that. You can see their whole face light up when they look at it. A friend of mine was saying it might be because everything else seems to be close to the same and it’s just this bump entering the room before I do that makes people say I look so big. Meanwhile I’m going to miss walking around feeling like I’ve got a golden egg on me. I really like it! It’s so round and shiny (especially after I’ve exfoliated haha).

Pregnancy update - baby in my belly

Something to remember is that these things can be really subjective unless the comments are coming from the people who look after your unborn baby. Also, sometimes people don’t mean to be hurtful, they just aren’t very careful or mindful with their words. Best not to assume anything about their true intentions and just let the words tumble off your shoulder like water. Some weeks you might feel like nothing is happening and other weeks it feels like the baby is growing faster. All the while people might just think you look big blah blah blah. Another thing is appearances could have something to do with your build and also your genetics. Some women don’t appear to look pregnant at all whereas others, like me, do. I have a short torso compared to my legs and arms so there isn’t much space for my bump to spread out and this entire pregnancy I have been carrying really high so it kinda just sticks out there. There are those women who have very small baby bumps even up to the birth of the baby and others who have really big bumps early on in their pregnancy. The only thing that matters is that you and the baby are healthy!

I still remember how excited I was when my bump finally started to show! Finally my bump was catching up with my boobs which were getting honestly, wayyyyyyyyy too much attention from randoms. I remember standing in a shop and hearing a guy comment on the size of my chest to the girl standing next to him and the girl smacking him and saying, “She’s pregnant you idiot!” Neither of them had realised I could understand their dialect. It wasn’t long after that that the baby in my belly was then big enough for me to feel the kicking. So much fun and no comment from anyone could ever take away how enjoyable the experience has been for me.

Anyway this all came out a bit jumbled and rambly but I just thought I would share my experience. If there was one ugh part to pregnancy that wasn’t to do with the constant need to pee and not much sleep it would be those comments. I’m lucky that I have been feeling really mentally and physically strong this pregnancy plus I have so much love and support around me. I felt the need to say something in case other women are walking around feeling bothered. I totally understand it’s not nice to experience! Just eat healthfully, drink plenty of water, exercise safely and don’t let those things get to you! Opinions like that don’t pay the bills and they won’t nourish your baby! Pay attention to what the professionals looking after your health and the health of your baby say. Some people just don’t consider that what they say can matter so in that case you can just tell yourself that they’re right, their words really don’t matter!!

Meanwhile if you aren’t pregnant but you have found yourself experiencing the urge to comment please pause and really think about the impact you could have on someone. What are you trying to say and what purpose does it serve?

Any cravings? Not really. I’m even ok with going without watermelon and oranges for days at a time haha. I’m still eating them although not because I crave them anymore but because I want to keep my immune boosted and watermelon was a good way to stay hydrated in this heatwave situation we were having here in Sydney. I’d be just as happy with ice water. I read somewhere that if your nutritional needs are well met you’re less likely to experience cravings.

Any aversions? Not really either. I’m really low maintenance, I think.

Have I got stretch marks? I can’t see LOL! I think they show up more if they are there once the baby is out. For now all I can see are blue veins. My veins have always been really easy to see through my skin and I can see loads around my tummy at times. My mum didn’t get any stretch marks having me either so we’ll see if the genes are strong in me! I was getting a wax with my beautician who I’ve been seeing for years and she commented that I didn’t have any. I asked her about my theory that they show up more after but she was like, “Nope, if they’re not there, they’re won’t be there on the other side.” HAHAHA she cracks me up. Anyway for now, I don’t have any according to people who have seen me naked.

But like I said, I can’t see for myself and in that sense I am going by what other women are telling me.

Does the baby kick a lot? The baby was kicking quite a bit before but lately as my bump has gotten bigger the movements feel more swishy and fluid like. It’s pretty funny to watch the skin on my tummy ripple around. I think the baby is just happy doing some tai chi style moves in there but the really STRONG kinds. This baby is literally pushing the roof and the walls out as far as they’ll go.

Baby bump with rainbow crystal

Do we have any names chosen? Yes we have a few we love but obviously we’d like to just wait until the baby is out before saying anything.

Am I planning a natural birth? Yes! But I am trying to stay okay with whatever happens.

Am I nervous about labour? Super nervous haha but oh well, hopefully I’ll be able to stay focused on breathing and it won’t take so long that I get hungry or something lol.

Have I got everything ready for the baby? Not yet, yikes! That’s what I’ll be busy doing for the next few weeks I figure. I’ve just been ordering things from online and I’ll let you know what I ended up getting. I’m currently doing loads and loads of washing of all the baby clothes I ordered, I found some really great websites so will share soon. Meanwhile, this is ONE BATCH. Yeesh!

baby-clothes-laundry-day

But omigosh if it even makes any sense, Mum and I both went nuts when I finished hanging these teeny tiny clothes out on the line. She’s still cooing over the cuteness and I agree. It’s ridiculous how cute they look.

Also. Is it crazy I totally wish this beanie came in my size? I mean. Lookatit.

bunny rabbit forest beanie from NEXT

That’s pretty much it. If you’re currently pregnant or have been pregnant and want to share your experiences, I’d love to hear from you! xo

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Friday Pilates Faves – Arms (Triceps) plus a baby bump!

Friday Pilates Faves – Arms (Triceps) plus a baby bump!

I’m trying to post ten things at once, so me being me, my update that I’m pregnant will probably upload LAST. But yes, I’m pregnant! Ta-daaah! I know, I disappear a few months and show up with news like this. Doesn’t it keep our conversations exciting though? No one can ever say my replies to “what’s new” are dull anymore. 

pregnancy pilates

Back to one of my favourite movements ever. Whilst I sleep A LOT, it also feels great to keep the body moving so I’ve been trying to work on strengthening my body to keep myself well for the remainder of my pregnancy, labour and then beyoooooond (LOTS OF BABY LUGGING). Cue a lot of Pilates exercises. Let’s get to it.

Triceps extension (top to match resistance band not needed!)

Baby bump not required – you don’t HAVE TO be pregnant to do this. Duh!

If you are pregnant, you should have already gotten an ok from your doctor to exercise.

  1. Grip one end of your resistance band in each fist. Rest on fist down by your side and take your other arm up overhead to cradle your ear and messy top bun. (See vid below)
  2. Breathing steadily the entire time, slowly extend the top arm straight without letting the elbow shift.
  3. Bend the arm to return to start and repeat.

☄️I do 10 – 20 repetitions of each side, 10 normal speed and then 10 verrrrrry slowly. You can start by doing 5 at a normal speed and then 5 a little slower, gradually building up.

☄️If you don’t have a resistance band, you could hold a can or a small water bottle in your top hand. Nothing too heavy! The point is to focus on engaging your arm muscles for both directions of the movement, especially pay attention to resisting the return motion. You’ll get loads of strength benefits just from creating your own resistance.

☄️Be safe! Keep the working side shoulder down and the side of the body long. Avoid twisting in the torso. Keep the belly gently drawing inwards to protect the back. Pregnant ladies can visualise “hugging the baby”. At no point should you have any pain in your back or feel tension in your shoulder-neck region.

pregnancy pilates

Let me know if you try this out and enjoy the rest of your day! xx

🌸

Video

Yoga to Move into Stillness

So legend has it that when you can’t sleep at night it is because you are awake in someone else’s dream.

Please stop dreaming about me whoever you are.

Aaaaaaaahahahahaha allow me to cackle away merrily whilst you take the time to roll your eyes.

I’ve been struggling to sleep properly and it seems to be some sort of excess nervous energy from prepping to go home for the holidays. This time next week I will be back home and ohmigoshonlyafewmoresleepstogoooooooooooooosomanythingstodosolittletimetodoitin.

You know those jitters? 

Verrrrrry similar to the kind a kid gets the night before Christmas. Who could possibly sleep?! It’s just all too exciting. TOO being the keyword. Too much going on. Around us and inside our heads. Without an outlet to channel all the excitement into, those sensations spill over everywhere and amplify existing feelings. 

There is a lot happening during holiday season and all that change can be stressful on a body. 

Resisting the change causes friction which leaves me restless and kinda twitchy. Then as I lose sleep I become tired and cranky. The cycle continues on a loop. When I was younger I couldn’t figure out how to settle myself down and found myself buffeted along by the things that kept happening TO me no matter how hard I tried to avoid them or take full control. I felt so resentful and frustrated. Did I have a target on my back?

Now I kind of understand it is up to me to decide if I want to struggle and kick my way along or flow through change. But the way is always THROUGH the obstacles or the change. And whilst I can control some aspects there are many others that I can’t. Discerning what I can and can’t change, much like the serenity prayer, are key to giving me the space I need to regain a sense of calm.

Try reading the next two paragraphs out loud slowly and with intent:

I remember that I can control my breathing. I can inhale fully and exhale completely. I can move my body as I breath slowly and deeply. I can give complete attention to moving my body with my breath. 

And with that I feel my heart rate calm down, my stomach ceases to twist into knots, my eyebrows unfurrow and my mind quietens and I move into stillness. Then I can sleep soundly and deeply. I wake up feeling joyful and excited about my days. I will nourish my body with fuel so I have energy to go about my day. I will move my body because it feels good to be active. I look forward to anything that comes my way. I feel content with the present moment because it is perfect. 

I hope following along to this short video helps equip you with a sense of calm as you go about preparing yourself for this holiday season. Please practice safely and take good care of yourself. 

Processed with Rookie Cam

Namaste. 

 

Aside

Learning to Fly – Update [Flight Delayed]

Friends,

if you follow me on Instagram and came here to check out my tutorial video on arm balancing, you have come to the right place.

The power is out at my place, it is that time of year over here. I’m typing this and rushing down to the coffee shop to finish this post.

Okay, not rushing because stairs. It will be ready in a jiffy, in the meantime please chat amongst yourselves. Have you all met?

BRB xx

Update: Ok the stairwell is pitch black with nary a creepy blinking exit sign therefore it is obviously filled with scary monsters that usually hide under the beds of children. Back inside folks. This will happen EVENTUALLY!

Yikes!
Gallery

A Well Spent Sunday

brings a week of content.

Quite so!

Actually I had a lovely time on Saturday as well so I’m in for a fortnight of wonderfulness. How grand would it be if each day we spent well gave us a credit for the week ahead? Like a sort of happiness coupon.

The more pragmatic of us would point out that we could alternatively just live each day well and forget the coupons already. Yes. Of course. That would be an easier way wouldn’t it? So how many of us do that?

Hmm.

If I had to say what exactly it was I did over the weekend that filled me with such bliss and contentment, I’d struggle to mention anything super exciting. It’s always been those tiny little moments that sort of creep up on me. Which is such a relief because that means during the weekdays I can just keep myself open to more of such treasures.

The heroine of a favourite book of mine had a ritual with her best friend called “White pebble or black pebble”. Each day they would fill an imaginary jar with white pebbles for anything wonderful that happened and black pebbles for anything not so. At the end of the day the women would ring each other and announce whether it was a white pebble type of day or a black pebble one. Ever since reading that book I keep a jar in my mind, a tad dusty as I don’t tend to it all the time, but I take it out more and more these days and check how many white pebbles I found during the day. The occasional black pebble shows up but I try to be less diligent with those.

Here are some of my white pebbles this weekend.

Usually I teach during the weekends, which I adore, but it was nice for a change to have my entire morning to myself to awaken very lazily with a coffee. After a huge yawn whilst shuffling these cards I drew (I kid you not) the Awakening card. Do you believe in coincidences? Or destiny? Can we have both?

Awakening
It’s important to be yourself!

I’ve gotten really fascinated with geometry, I’m always seeing these fancy circles and squares showing up on weheartit and so on. So I gave it a go this weekend. Let me tell you, there’s more than one way to join the dots. Like a zillion ways. Figuratively and literally. Aside from getting a little cross eyed at certain points it was really absorbing. An interesting way to meditate if you can’t stand not doing anything at all. I think there are still more dots to join.

More than one way to connect the dots

The power went out in our building, so we were trapped for a while. Luckily I had already made a coffee so fine by me. No harm at all. Until I felt ready for a second coffee. But then we figured out that the power inside the bedroom worked. We’re problem solving people. Hehe.

No I did not care to check if the washing machine had any power. Priorities.

Would you believe I have not had rice crackers until now since I was at uni?  The first time around? If you want the math for it, that would be almost 15 years ago. Far out. And after I merrily ignored the serving suggestion and made my way through just about the entire packet I realised why I didn’t buy rice crackers anymore when I wouldn’t stop bouncing off the walls afterwards. And then I was insanely thirsty for hours. No original flavour for me thank you very much. Gimme the BBQ. It weirded B out to see snacks in the house AND to see me eating them. I don’t buy snacks because that was how I was brought up. We only got them if we were having a party. I think I will revert to that rule. But it was a nice treat x 4 serving sizes.

Serving suggestions are not serving rules.

Oh, and I also had a visitor drop by during the afternoon to see how my drawing was going. Birds drop by from time to time and I always feel like it’s a good sign. My mood always lifts when I see the flutter of wings even for the briefest instant.

Eventually the power came back on and we watched a bit of The Other Woman. More than anything I think we like Leslie Mann’s voice. And I like the expressions Kate Upton makes, she seems so goofy. Oh and I felt really happy about the dinner I threw together. To counter ALL the rice crackers I ate. When everything is really fresh, not a lot needs to be done to make a delicious meal. And a cool salad is so good for balmy nights. And minimal clean up!

It’s pretty straightforward you just need to mix together a dressing, tear up some leaves, and add anything else you want to make it a filling meal.

Teevee Dinner
“What is up with your hot brother?” Yeah, Leslie, tell us.

So how was your weekend? I hope you had a wonderful weekend and a week ahead filled with magical white pebbles. xx

 

Quote

YOGA ALL DAY

Why am I shouting the title at you?

Sorry, I’m a little deaf these days, there’s constant hammering away in the apartment above my head since we last chatted. They’re doing it to drive me crazy renovating.

float

Hence why, I still haven’t uploaded that video I have been promising! I need to construct a sound proof room first which reminds me of the old music room at my school. I would go there every lunchtime for piano lessons. The entire room was wall-papered with egg cartons and painted blue to accord with the school colour. The effect was, uh, very crafty and three-dimensional. But aside from being quite visually effective the egg cartons really didn’t work very well.

Which brings me back to where I am seated right now. It sounds like the people upstairs are diligently tinkering away with teeny tiny hammers and chisels at the ceiling above my head. Which makes me imagine they are either chiseling a statue or they are trying to tunnel their way into my apartment.

Am I annoyed? Sort of, I guess I’m half laughing at the imagery and half wishing the noise would stop. I am distracted by the incessant tunnelling hammering. That’s what is getting me, that I am allowing myself to be distracted and affected by this external activity. It is beyond my environment so why is it having such a huge impact on me?

It is just like in yoga classes, if you have had the fortune to experience, when a person, perhaps on a mat next to you is a REALLY LOUD BREATHER. Really, really, really loud. There is silence all around, except a sort of hum of coordinated movements and breathing… then this fantastically pervasive rasping sound emanating from the person next to you. Has that ever bothered you?

Or how about if the lady next to you in her struggle to do any postures is blustering and swearing away. “Oh geez. Oh !@#$%^&*#@#@***” on and on and on she goes for the entire ninety minutes. She hangs in there for the full class. She has paid her entry fee and by *&$#@ is she gonna get every last #$@&* minute out of that @#$%^&* session.

What about the self-appointed class joker (hey, why did you look at me for?) on the other side of the room, who takes it upon himself, everytime the teacher claims says “One more breath here” to do a countdown “Five, four, three, two aaaaaaaaaand ONEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

EVERY. TIME. No one laughs after the first time. But he persists.

Or what about the person who is just too sweaty? Or the showoff? Or the two ladies who won’t stop talking in the back? Or the person who doesn’t smell nice? Or the person who is wearing hardly anything and you can see right up their bandha?

The list could go on and on ad nauseum.

Well? Do you recognise these people? Do you think to yourself, “What classes do you attend, and why haven’t these people been thrown out?!”

Well, these people don’t just go to yoga classes. They also show up in your life. They’re in the supermarket, at your workplace, at uni, they’re on the bus with you, the train. Yep, sometimes they’re in the guise of your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, best friend, mum, dad, or child or brother, whatever.

And they’re doing something and it just bothers the bejeezers out of you.

What is a ‘bejeezer’? You don’t even know. You’re just so annoyed right now you’re creating new words. Oxford Dictionary look out, coming soon your way, get ready to take notes.  

Oh, and of course you’re not being nitpicky. It’s them. Right? It’s always them.

Do they have to do that? And in that way?*

YES THEY HAVE TO. And the more that it bothers you, the more they have to do that.

If you have ever experienced this then my suggestion is below. It seems to snap me out of my egg-cartoned mindset quick-smart. What works for me, might work for you. If you have never experienced this, well done, I guess you can carry on reading for entertainment?

Here’s the solution: Change your mind. Leave the world alone. Your world will evolve with time to fit the shape of your mind. You can make it as easy or as hard as you like, as I like to tell my students about our yoga practice. The choice is yours. You can struggle, or you can float. You do get to choose. You always have a choice.

Take a good look at these supposed ‘challengers’ and be glad they exist. They’re your true teachers. You will learn more from them than a workshop with a ‘celebrity’ yoga instructor. These are the teachers that teach you how to live. And they do it so effortlessly.

“Look at

all your fellow

humans and name

them accurately.

‘Brother.’

‘Sister.'”

– Erich Schiffman

I have met all sorts of teachers in yoga classes and I have to say over the years I still catch myself feeling exasperated and yes, distracted! It happens less and less but it still happens sometimes! Sometimes it’s the small, seemingly insignificant things that trip me up the hardest. I forget and think, “I am beyond that point. I love life. I love everyone. I’m fine.”

And then bang! I totally walk on my floaty cloud feelings into that trap my mind has set for me. I’m no longer practising yoga when that happens. I’m in somethingsomething-asana but it’s just a shape my body happens to be in. Because at that point, I have chosen to be more important than anyone else, more deserving to be there than anyone else and have decided that my comfort is more important than the comfort of anyone else, there in that class room. How egotistical does that sound when said out loud?

Instead of saying, “Oh, they’re so ANNOYING” but instead to phrase that as “I’m more important than they are.”

Yeesh! No, we have left yoga at that point. We’re just sweating and bending and stretching.

No yoga there. Just ego.

Oh, beware the ego trap! It is there all day everyday. There will never be a day when you reach nirvana and the trap is no longer set for you. You need to be on alert at all times. Be present in the moment. Live mindfully and completely in each moment. Question yourself.

And so, this is what I mean by

YOGA ALL DAY.

You do have to shout that a little at yourself, to get it through, past that ego trap. It has egg cartons painted in a hideous colour to distract you to the point of rage from realising that you have fallen deep inside. You can hear the sounds of life around you, but all you can see are those cartons. You are blind to the lesson in front of you.

There is far more to yoga than just yoga as I say. Our ability to do the splits, to touch our toes with our legs straight, or to stick one leg behind our head or stand on our head will not insulate us from the lessons of life. The ability to do any of those things are just acrobatic.

The goal of yoga is to cultivate an attitude of equanimity and one of compassion.

We’re all in this together, some of us swearing away, some of us panting loudly, some of us excitedly talking, some of us silently and we’re all chiseling away at this unshaped rock to make sense of our life purpose and find our way. When we look to our left and right and see we’re all trying in our different ways to do the same thing, live our lives any which way we can, the scales fall from our eyes, and the sounds and activities of life become what they always have been. Just a soundtrack of life.

Don’t get distracted by the soundtrack to your life.

Breathe. Practice your yoga all day. Know your fellow humans by name. Thank your teachers.

And between you and me, I don’t know what it is, maybe the renovations have finished upstairs, but I can’t hear any noise anymore. It is perfectly silent. All I can hear is the sound of my breathing and the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard.

Thank you thank you thank you. x

*Sometimes we are those very same people. We may not think it, but someone somewhere may be looking at us with disdain and think, “Oh go somewhere else, will ya?” How hurt would we feel if someone said to us that what we were doing was supremely irritating to them? Did we even aim our actions at them? Nope! We were just doing our own thing, right? Funny, that. Hmm. 

Audio

This Song goes out to You.

In anticipation of tonight’s Mardi Gras parade and finding out what the anthem will be this year, here is an anthem of another sort that I adore. 

 Ego. With a capital E.

To my Ego, my Pride and my Hubris. I hope you like this song. I release you happily. Thanks for everything, you can go now, and take my Fear with you.

Without you, I am free now to create.

(Note: This used to be a link to an awesome remix on Soundcloud, but since then that link has changed. Until I find it again here is the original version which is still awesome.)

My favourite lines:

I held you in high regard, you were an answer from God.

Not anymore.

When I used to love youuuuuuuuuuuu. There was nothing that I wouldn’t do.

You’re all take and no give as the expression goes.

But I’m tired of living this life. It’s getting harder to justify. I realise I just don’t love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Not like I used to.

The numbers just don’t quite add up.

I can’t afford you.

You’re just in the way. You don’t help me, you harm me. What’s the value of holding onto you and putting you first? Zero. Nil. Nada.

The most upbeat breakup anthem I ever loved. And shouldn’t these type of tunes always be anthems? We’re picking freedom from a toxic love, and that’s no kind of love at all.

LYRICS:

Maybe, it’s me, maybe i bore you
No no, it’s my fault, cause i can’t afford u
Maybe baby, Puffy, Jay z
Would all be better for you
Cause all I can do is love you

Baby when I used to love you
(There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do)
I went through the fire for you,
Did anything you asked me to
But I’m tired of living this lie
It’s getting harder to justify
I realized that I just don’t love you
Not like I used to

HaLa ala la
HAla ala la

Maybe, I should rob somebody
So we could, live like Whitney and Bobby
It’s probably my fault, my bad, my loss
But you are, above cost
Cause all I could do was love you

Baby when I used to love you,
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
I went through the fire for you,
Did anything you asked me to.
But I’m tired of living this lie.
It’s getting harder to justify,
I realized that I just don’t love you
Not like I used to.

Hala hala hala
Hala hola hola

Do you remember when I used to love you (I used to love you)
Baby no, not any more, love you (but I don’t love you)
Ooohhhh, I love you (I used to love you)
And you’re gonna miss me now

Baby when I used to love you
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do,
I went through the fire for you,
But I’m not gonna play the fool
No I can’t live this lie, and I can’t justify,
And I can’t make up my life
Cause I don’t love you
Not like I used to do
Not like I used to do
Not like I used to do

Hola holla holla
Holla holla holla

(I used to love you)
(I used to love you)
(I used to love you)

I bet you miss me now
Cause I don’t love you

When I let go and release what is no longer serving me, I make space for something better. Choose Love. What’s your fave anthem? And what are you releasing?